It's like I'm 5 all over, again.
It's hard dealing wth the pain. The only true intimacy I enjoy is emotional; the physical has always been an obstacle.
I use to think it was the fault of my partner but now that i've grown and left that relationship the problems still persists-terrifying pain as soon as he enters at times it's tolerable but at other times-I hide my face and think of other things, there's no hope.
It's like I'm 5 all over, again. Here he comes, mommy where are you? Don't leave me here! Please, don't go! Please. I can't remember everything but as clear as day I remember crying but of course back then no rational adult would think that someone especially their own relative would be preying on their child.
It affects the rest of your life no matter what you do, where you go its always there-fear, pain along with a permanent reaction to second guess and/or doubt yourself een when you know it's right. It's like I'm 5 all over, again.
I have yet to seek professional help on this...but the pain and scars are starting to run so deep that I no longer see a way out-it's like I'm 5 all over, again.
I want out!
Bx 176 06.18.09
::sent from my Treo Pro::
W: http://phatgyrl.blogspot.com
Thursday, June 18, 2009
They need a voice
They need a voice, one with power RESPECT
WE the people or are you just ONE of those people NEGATIVE
They need a voice, one with power RESPECT
Quien dice?
Who says? YOU
Who says? YOU
They need a voice, one with power RESPECT
AFFIRMATIVE action, how about starting with being PROACITVE
GREATNESS in NUMBERS
GREATNESS in NUMBERS
Buying power vs. Voting power
Who’s next?
They need a voice, one with power REQUEST POLICY because of our quantity
WE the people or AM I just ONE of those people
Who’s next?
They need a voice, one with power REQUEST POLICY because of our quantity
WE the people or AM I just ONE of those people
Viva la Raza LATINA en Total
NOne of our CHILDren LEFT Behind!!!
They need a voice ‘ONE with RESPECT
They need a voice ‘ONE with RESPECT
Dispel ALL NEGATIVES
YOU just be
I AM part of those people LATINOS, Greatness in NUMBERS
They know OUR BUYING power just what do you think will happen when we show them OUR VOTING power
WE the people will be requesting NEW POLICY
It’s our TURN no more: Who’s next?
WE NEED A VOICE
YOU just be
I AM part of those people LATINOS, Greatness in NUMBERS
They know OUR BUYING power just what do you think will happen when we show them OUR VOTING power
WE the people will be requesting NEW POLICY
It’s our TURN no more: Who’s next?
WE NEED A VOICE
Viva la Raza con PODER
Quien dice?
Who says?I’m NOT ONE of those PEOPLE
I am those people their voice one with power and respect; each of my milestones dispels the negatives.
Who says? I do! None of my children will be left behind; they need my voice our greatness is in numbers and I see all possibilities.
Bx176 4.17.08 at 9:41pm
From the Projects to Princeton, viva Sotomayor!!!
One.
Who says?I’m NOT ONE of those PEOPLE
I am those people their voice one with power and respect; each of my milestones dispels the negatives.
Who says? I do! None of my children will be left behind; they need my voice our greatness is in numbers and I see all possibilities.
Bx176 4.17.08 at 9:41pm
From the Projects to Princeton, viva Sotomayor!!!
One.
The Bullshyt-The Drama
The bullshyt!
The Drama!
I'm to comfortable and way too accepting of others imperfections-it has to be that or I'm just that damn stupid.
The bullshyt!
The Drama!
I sacrificed my needs for your wants how dumb of me-I finally phucked mysef! Not really a good feeling, this much I can tell you.
The Bullshyt!
The Drama!
How do I get myself into this nonsense-WTF?
Am I not worthy of true admiration and love, this can't be?!?!
The Bullshyt!
The Drama!
As a professional, I can make things work in my favor while still appeasing the needs/wants of my peers. It's baffling that I can't do the same for love.
The Bullshyt!
The Drama!
I just don't have time for it or you.
Bx 176
::sent from my Treo Pro::
W: http://phatgyrl.blogspot.com
The Drama!
I'm to comfortable and way too accepting of others imperfections-it has to be that or I'm just that damn stupid.
The bullshyt!
The Drama!
I sacrificed my needs for your wants how dumb of me-I finally phucked mysef! Not really a good feeling, this much I can tell you.
The Bullshyt!
The Drama!
How do I get myself into this nonsense-WTF?
Am I not worthy of true admiration and love, this can't be?!?!
The Bullshyt!
The Drama!
As a professional, I can make things work in my favor while still appeasing the needs/wants of my peers. It's baffling that I can't do the same for love.
The Bullshyt!
The Drama!
I just don't have time for it or you.
Bx 176
::sent from my Treo Pro::
W: http://phatgyrl.blogspot.com
Friday, June 5, 2009
I'm Sleepy
I'm sleepy, but not tired if there's even a difference - IDK & don't care! So, I'm up @ the scribes I GUESS I'm looking for my next big break or piece rather.
I'm trying - I really am but it's just not coming to me and I'm not feeling any kind of way - maybe, that's it I stopped feeling? Lord, I hope not! I like my feelings; they bring out my sparkling personality ;-) well, I do what I can lol.
I'm tired, life is strange the way it plays out-you just never know what to expect, except the unexpected <--- there's a play on words for you, lol.
I wish I could just write and each piece be picturesque and when one reads through it they see, feel and understand what I'm saying.
It is possible that this could be too far fetched but then again, I never thought I'd be writer.
BX 176
06.06.09 @ 1:09am
::sent from my Treo Pro::
W: http://phatgyrl.blogspot.com
I'm trying - I really am but it's just not coming to me and I'm not feeling any kind of way - maybe, that's it I stopped feeling? Lord, I hope not! I like my feelings; they bring out my sparkling personality ;-) well, I do what I can lol.
I'm tired, life is strange the way it plays out-you just never know what to expect, except the unexpected <--- there's a play on words for you, lol.
I wish I could just write and each piece be picturesque and when one reads through it they see, feel and understand what I'm saying.
It is possible that this could be too far fetched but then again, I never thought I'd be writer.
BX 176
06.06.09 @ 1:09am
::sent from my Treo Pro::
W: http://phatgyrl.blogspot.com
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A short story on Park Place...
Damn! That was good.
I was nervous at first.
Unsure.
As we got into it, I told myself I’ll just fake it.
He won’t notice.
Right!
We stop, pull up on the side of the road
What – What happened?
Take ‘em off!
What?!
Yo’ panties, take ‘em off
Oooh, I’m excited. Damn!
Aight, papi. They off, they off.
Hand up thigh, oooh its hot in here.
Before I could even think to help him out by opening up
I was already there
I can’t think straight
Breath girl, B-R-E-A-T-H!
Everything STOPS.
Chest heaving, deep breaths IN/OUT
He stopped.
Before I could look to see what happened.
His hand was stroking my hair
He whispers: I wanna watch
Huh?
Watch, what?
Go ahead, lemme see.
Pretend that’s my toungue
Hmm, I’ma fake this one – he won’t be able to tell and besides I been talking shit, so I can’t look like a punk.
Act like, I like this.
You like my toungue there?
Yea!
To myself, my hand is warm here.
What was that sound, sounds like a toungue liking
You like that
Hmm?
What does it feel like?
Warm. He’s got to be kidding
There goes that toungue sound again, but that’s my hand right?
Yea, its my hand.
Seat back- one leg up on the dash board the other follows.
I hear him faintly: You like to get your clit sucked
There goes that toungue noise again
But that’s my hand, but it feels so good
I like sucking on clits
There’s that sound..
God, its hot in here-Whew!
You like that? (That sound)
Yes.
You like it from the back? Yea, you look like you like to be bent over.
Heat rushing through my body.
Can I bend you over?
Yea.
Stroking my hair.
He’s talking, but I can’t hear him.
I’m somewhere else, in my own zone.
Its cold out, but I’m hot as fuck.
It must be getting good, I can hear your juices-I can smell you, and you taste good.
Whew, yes!
I didn’t think my clit could throb like that.
So, you think you gonna write about this?
What?
I’m up, I’m in my room but I was just…
Oh, I’m tripping.
I reach over to the other side for the remote to turn on the morning news.
I find my panties, instead.
12-21-04
BX 176
I was nervous at first.
Unsure.
As we got into it, I told myself I’ll just fake it.
He won’t notice.
Right!
We stop, pull up on the side of the road
What – What happened?
Take ‘em off!
What?!
Yo’ panties, take ‘em off
Oooh, I’m excited. Damn!
Aight, papi. They off, they off.
Hand up thigh, oooh its hot in here.
Before I could even think to help him out by opening up
I was already there
I can’t think straight
Breath girl, B-R-E-A-T-H!
Everything STOPS.
Chest heaving, deep breaths IN/OUT
He stopped.
Before I could look to see what happened.
His hand was stroking my hair
He whispers: I wanna watch
Huh?
Watch, what?
Go ahead, lemme see.
Pretend that’s my toungue
Hmm, I’ma fake this one – he won’t be able to tell and besides I been talking shit, so I can’t look like a punk.
Act like, I like this.
You like my toungue there?
Yea!
To myself, my hand is warm here.
What was that sound, sounds like a toungue liking
You like that
Hmm?
What does it feel like?
Warm. He’s got to be kidding
There goes that toungue sound again, but that’s my hand right?
Yea, its my hand.
Seat back- one leg up on the dash board the other follows.
I hear him faintly: You like to get your clit sucked
There goes that toungue noise again
But that’s my hand, but it feels so good
I like sucking on clits
There’s that sound..
God, its hot in here-Whew!
You like that? (That sound)
Yes.
You like it from the back? Yea, you look like you like to be bent over.
Heat rushing through my body.
Can I bend you over?
Yea.
Stroking my hair.
He’s talking, but I can’t hear him.
I’m somewhere else, in my own zone.
Its cold out, but I’m hot as fuck.
It must be getting good, I can hear your juices-I can smell you, and you taste good.
Whew, yes!
I didn’t think my clit could throb like that.
So, you think you gonna write about this?
What?
I’m up, I’m in my room but I was just…
Oh, I’m tripping.
I reach over to the other side for the remote to turn on the morning news.
I find my panties, instead.
12-21-04
BX 176
Sunday, May 10, 2009
What I Need
What I need
I need more time.
I need to be in my mans arms; where it's safe and warm.
I need to feel the weight of your body against mine.
I need there not to ever lapse time where I forget the sensation of your lips at the nape of my neck.
I need to be loved to the fullest extent, continuously.
I need there to never ever be any sexual frustration - Mami, always said whatever you don't do, somebody else will. So, I make sure that I DO it all for you.
I need to know that its okay for me to creatively express my thoughts without sounding alarms.
I need to be cared for deeply and ernestly with no regard as to who's watching.
I need to love and be loved, I'm ready for love and all of its flaws.
All I WANT is YOU
What I NEED is YOU
Bx176
05.10.09
1:21pm
Saturday, May 2, 2009
In my Lifetime
In my lifetime
I’ve seen quite a bit
In my lifetime
I’ve experienced doubt
In my lifetime
I’ve been dealt an abundance of pain
In my lifetime
I’ve seen some atrocities
In my lifetime
I’ve experienced TRUE love and some passionate hate
In my lifetime
I’ve been around some bullshyt
In my lifetime
I’m just not sure if I’ll make it through.
Bx176
05.01.09
3:03pm
I’ve seen quite a bit
In my lifetime
I’ve experienced doubt
In my lifetime
I’ve been dealt an abundance of pain
In my lifetime
I’ve seen some atrocities
In my lifetime
I’ve experienced TRUE love and some passionate hate
In my lifetime
I’ve been around some bullshyt
In my lifetime
I’m just not sure if I’ll make it through.
Bx176
05.01.09
3:03pm
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